No friend or loved one should make you feel in survival mode. you don’t deserve to be in survival mode 24/7. you need to stop feeling as if you have to constantly entertain them, or please them, or desperately try to be someone that they would love. stop it. please, stop.
the only person you ever have to be, is yourself. and if that means having some awkward silences where you don’t know what to talk about to keep the other person interested, so be it. let those silences happen. learn to be comfortable and not uneasy in them
understand that as much as you want to impress and interest the person in front of you, you need to act as if you are someone to be impressed as well. enough of betraying yourself for another person, who even are they? who even are they to make you feel like you’re not enough? answer me. why do you allow anyone else who has not been through the exact same things as you dictate how you feel?
listen, it is not your job to please others. you were not put on this earth to entertain anyone but yourself. life is short honey, why are you choosing to spend it worrying? worrying about whether people love you, worrying about the ‘right’ thing to say, worrying about things that are literally stupid to be worrying about. Theright person would never make you feel you have to entertain them/ be in survival mode all the time. however, keeping that in mind, you are the one who is in control of your emotions. you are the person who knows where to work on themselves.
and one more thing; if someone loves you, truly and fully, don’t need to doubt it. stop doubting whether someone loves you or not and instead see it as something that should happen, that is normal. of course if you are getting a bad gut feeling about someone and all their actions have been pointing in the wrong direction, then they probably don’t love you. but if all they’ve done is love you, is shower you with appreciation and love, why do you doubt it? why do you feel uncomfortable? let yourself be loved honey. it’s no crime. you’re just living a happier life for yourself, and making life better for the other person when you let yourself be loved.
When you are loved, don’t feel as if you need to do some big thing to make up for it. they chose to do the things they did because they like you. they like your personality. not the gifts, not the cards, not the big grand gestures, they like you. start accepting that. woah! people can like me? crazy right. but you are actually a pretty cool person. a lot of people around you see it. you just need to open your eyes.