Welcome to Funchal, Portugal—the kind of place that makes you wonder why you ever settle for ordinary vacations when pure, unfiltered luxury is waiting right here.
Nestled on the island of Madeira, Funchal is lush, dramatic, and effortlessly elegant. Think of it as the James Bond of European destinations—sophisticated, adventurous, and always impeccably dressed (seriously, the landscapes here are ridiculously good-looking).
Checking into Paradise: Where to Stay
If you’re going to do Funchal right, you need a hotel that oozes luxury. Lucky for you, this island knows how to do five-star everything.
Belmond Reid’s Palace – If Funchal had a crown jewel, this would be it. This historic, pink-clad beauty has hosted Winston Churchill, European royalty, and now—you. Lounge by the infinity pool, sip on the finest Madeira wine, and let the panoramic ocean views ruin every other hotel experience you’ll ever have.
Savoy Palace – A modern masterpiece of pure indulgence. Think chic design, a rooftop infinity pool, and a spa so good it could heal your soul.
Quinta da Casa Branca – A lush botanical retreat with private balconies and gardens where you can sip espresso while pretending you’re an old-money aristocrat.
What to Do in Funchal (Besides Luxuriating in Absolute Bliss)
Yes, lounging with a cocktail in hand is a perfectly acceptable way to experience Funchal, but let’s mix in a little adventure, shall we?
Monte Palace Tropical Garden – This isn’t just a garden; it’s Mother Nature’s red carpet moment. Wander through exotic plants, koi ponds, and intricate tile work that will make you want to quit your job and become a garden designer.
Blandy’s Wine Lodge – If you leave Funchal without indulging in Madeira wine, did you even visit? At Blandy’s, you’ll get a VIP education in the island’s legendary fortified wine, complete with tastings that will make your taste buds feel like they just won the lottery.
Cable Car to Monte – If you love a dramatic entrance, this is it. Soar over Funchal’s red-roofed homes and lush mountains, and arrive in Monte feeling like an A-list celebrity.
Toboggan Ride (Yes, Really) – Only in Funchal can you slide down a hill in a wicker basket while two men in white uniforms steer you like gondoliers on land. It’s thrilling, a little absurd, and absolutely unmissable.
Dine Like Royalty – Funchal’s culinary scene is dangerously good. Make reservations at Armazém do Sal for upscale Portuguese flavors or Il Gallo d’Oro for a Michelin-starred experience that will have you making dramatic eye contact with your plate.
The Secret to Funchal’s Magic
Funchal isn’t just a destination; it’s a feeling. It’s that first sip of a perfect cocktail, the ocean breeze kissing your skin, the sound of laughter over a long dinner, and the way the sun sets like it’s performing just for you.
It’s old-world charm meets modern elegance, a place where luxury isn’t just about what you spend, but how deeply you indulge in the experience.
So, should you go? Absolutely. Immediately. Pack your best outfits and don’t look back. Funchal is waiting—and trust me, it knows how to show you a good time.